A New Kind of Intimacy

I don’t quite know how to explain what it feels like. The closest I have come to a description is butterflies in my stomach. Little flutter kicks I that tickle me in ways I have never experienced before. I throw my head back and giggle as I poke back with my fingers somewhere between gentle and reassuring. Does he know I’m on the other side? I like to think so, for the rhythm of my walk and the frequency of my voice must wrap around his being as he drifts off to a world I know so well. It’s like an out of body experience when we communicate through the wall inbetween us. I am a child again, a new life learning about the world though exploration. I don’t recognize myself. I don’t think I’ve ever met this side of me. I am a Phoenix reborn in his contact. For once I am not in control of myself and it’s frighteningly beautiful. I feel like my body give out and I am left to lay still until the energy comes back returning the sense of familiarity. The butterflies in my stomach turn to shocks, radiating throughout me. It doesn’t last very long but when it’s there, I gasp in response holding myself until it disappears. I don’t think about it much, it petrifies me. It’s so familiar yet so foreign. I know it so well, I’ve felt it before, I know what’s it’s like yet the thought of it brings me to tears. I use the flow of his body to bring me to serenity. I focus on the reoccurring dream of meeting one day and feeling his naked skin on top of my chest as our heartbeats synchronize to one parallel beat.

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